The hanging sword of
Damocles would make quite a
Fine home addition

One thing Capricorns
Can live without: oxygen
—Just give it a try!

Those business cards that
You like to give out only
Get used for voodoo

What I’m saying is
Beware the full moon and the
Armies of the moth

You’ve kept Hitler’s brain
Pickled long enough—now it’s
Time to eat the thing

Start using your blood
Instead of ink or ketchup—
It is way cheaper

Your secret shame will
Be made public when you are
Caught with some cat porn

Nobody knows the
Troubles you’ve seen in the gym
Locker room at night

It’s your fault you’re in
This mess—next time don’t listen
To Johnny Knoxville

Lend me some money—
I guarantee you’ll get it
Back after you die

Be sure to keep up
Your training for the summer
Bootyshaking games

Anything you can
Do, your doppelganger can
Do much, much better