Lend me some money—
I guarantee you’ll get it
Back after you die

Be sure to keep up
Your training for the summer
Bootyshaking games

Anything you can
Do, your doppelganger can
Do much, much better

Make sure you stop and
Smell the flowers, because soon
You will lose your nose

Suspiciously, your
New job’s drug plan is simply
“The first dose is free”

Try not to mix up
Your pastimes of hunting and
Camping anymore

After a decade
Of study you’ll learn that two
Plus two equals four

You must stop lying
To yourself—face the fact that
You died last decade

Your new “hobby” of
Eating insects will result
In few second dates

Stay calm, but listen—
I heard that mice have learned to
Lay plans just like men

I read somewhere that
Capricorns are the best at
Wasting their whole lives

One thing you can be
Sure of is that nothing you
Believe is the truth