The spell-checker in
My computer knows “Langdon”—
Democracy failed

Confucius says that
He wants royalties any
Time that you quote him

And I don’t mean a
Night in a haunted house—I
Mean sex with a ghost

Someone’s murdering
Clowns—it wouldn’t be you, would
It, Johnny Clownkill?

Your arrest and your
Subsequent trial will really
Eat into golf time

Get out your worst-case
Contingency plan, because
Cthulhu just rose

No sane person will
Want to fund your film with an
All-fried-chicken cast

The terrible truth
Is “tribbles” are humankind’s
Visionary height

The cows will come home
This week—it’s best not to ask
Them where they have been

You’ll be shocked to learn
Some philosopher spent his
Life critiquing you

Do not let your fear
Dictate what you will and what
You will not ingest

You’ve been watching too
Much CSI—there’s no such
Thing as “evidence”