I have spoken to
God, and he’s never heard of
This “platypus” thing

I feel I can say
With certainty that you shall
Become fire ant chow

All of those noises
Outside of your window are
Just gangland killings

I don’t believe that
You really need those stinking
Badges. You neither?

The ability
To rate things, quite frankly, is
Much overrated

Your luck will sour when
You break the heart of Mirren,
Goddess of mirrors

I don’t know where you
Got the idea that bread
Makes a great sex toy

I don’t know what to
Suggest other than cutting
Off the second head

The wisdom of the
Ancients is being replaced
By bad rap lyrics

I don’t know what you
Plan to do with eighty-six
Dildos, but have fun!

I don’t feel funny
Today—why don’t you amuse
Yourself for a change?

Mummies are getting
Drunk right now, wondering when
Their moment will come